


Susan's Loss

by spellboundreader316



Series: Susan's Purpose [1]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Bad Decisions, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Friends of Narnia, Gen, Not Beta Read, Pre-Book: The Last Battle (Narnia), Prophets, Sibling Love, Susan Pevensie Never Forgot, The Problem of Susan, but I would like a beta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:19:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spellboundreader316/pseuds/spellboundreader316
Summary: What if the reason Susan pulled away from the rest of the group was less about forgetting and more about protecting herself from a pain she knew was coming?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism appreciated

Ariella stood to the side watching them shop together, just like they did everything else. She had an important message, but it was for the High Queen only. Aslan had told her today, so she would be patient. Finally, they decided to divide and conquer the remaining items on their list.

Approaching quickly, she swept into a curtsy. "Your majesty, I have an urgent message for your ears only."

Susan looked shocked, but kept her wits enough to give Ariella permission to speak.

"Your friends will soon be returning home, but Aslan's plan for you here is not yet complete," she announced with authority. "The Lion be with you."

Curtsying again, Ariella turned to leave, but Susan grabbed her arm to stop her.

"When?" was all Susan asked.

"No one but Aslan knows the time, least of all me, my Queen."

With that she walked away, bowing her head deeply and murmuring blessing to the other three as she passed them. They all stared at her until she was out of sight before crowding around Susan.

Edmund voiced everyone's thoughts with an incredulous "What was that?"

While the others broke into speculation, Susan thought back on what she had just been told. Her siblings and fellow consorts would be returning to Narnia without her, and it sounded like they wouldn't be coming back, at least not anytime soon. How would she go on? And what was Aslan's plan for her? How could she complete a job when she didn't know what it was?

Though she wanted to doubt what the strange girl had said, she couldn't. Not when her words had given her the same feeling in her gut that Aslan's had when He had told her that she would never be returning to Narnia. She hated those words with all her heart, but she had never doubted their truth. It had been the same with everything Aslan said, and as much as she despised it, to feel that again made her somehow feel at home, even though she simultaneously felt lonelier than ever.

She had felt lost the first time they had come back through the wardrobe. She had grieved when Aslan had told her and Peter that they wouldn't return. Listening to Edmund and Lucy's stories from aboard the Dawn Treader was like ripping off an old scab and pouring salt in the wound, but she would give anything to still have the chance to hear them again..

Normally, hearing that Peter would be able to go back without her would feel like betrayal, and it still might later, but now all she felt was empty and alone.

"...-an...Susan!" Peter's voice broke through her thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?" They all looked worried. Susan wondered how long she had been lost in thought.

"I'm fine," she replied after a moment. "I was just remembering."

They nodded, all seeming to give themselves a moment to reminisce , before Edmund spoke up again.

"Well, if we have everything, perhaps we should call it a day and go home."

They all agreed, but the group of children that left the store was far more subdued than the one that had come in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> Constructive Criticism Appreciated!

Back at home, Susan’s mind turned back to her musings at the store. What did Aslan want from her?

The first time she and her siblings had grown up had been in Narnia, and they had grown not only older, but also closer together. They had stood back to back with each other against varied foes and had come out victorious. They had learned how to shoulder burdens and responsibilities without crumbling. They had ruled in harmony, trusting the strengths of their fellow consorts, and making up where they lacked.

Coming back, they had been stripped of more than just titles—they had lost their identities. All they had left was each other. Even Professor Kirk couldn’t commiserate with them, though he tried. Oh, he was wonderful for some things; just when you thought you would drown in homesickness he would be there with tea and a tale about a crow and it’s joke. She loved him for that because he knew what it was like to be homesick for somewhere you will never see again. However, he had never ruled a country only to have a curfew again. He had never been told ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’ about something you’ve already experienced first-hand.

School had been even worse. They had been split up, the boys to one school and the girls to separate schools. The measure of her self-worth shifted from lives saved to arithmetic scores. Her peers’ conversation were now filled with parties instead of how to maintain political stability. She was forced to find out about the war from second and third hand sources, and even then, she had no influence over their next move.

Why did she have to be so useless? Wasn’t there some way to prove herself more grown-up than the gossip-mongers that surrounded her?  
A year later, they had made it back to Narnia, but it was a far different Narnia from the one they had once ruled. This one was more broken, and Susan had been scared. She had been so scared that she hadn’t seen Aslan. He had calmed her fears afterward, but it made her feel just as broken as this new Narnia.

Then Aslan had told her she was too old! Like they hadn’t been so much older the first time.

Susan could feel the same indignation rising in her as she had felt then. Were they really supposed to be acting like the others their age? Even Lucy, the most childish of them all, acted older than her fellow classmates. What did Aslan want!

But then, Aslan had told Lucy and Edmund that they were too old as well. Maybe Aslan did want her to do something stupid; and if it separated her from her siblings, then the more the better. If they had figured out how to get home and hadn’t told her, then she wanted nothing to do with them.

If her time in America had taught her anything, it was that she would get nowhere in this world without fighting for every inch and playing their game. All her people skills from court had to be completely revamped if they were to do her any good this time around. No one wanted a gentle queen, they wanted a simple princess.

It was decided—she would be a stupid child. Nylons and lipstick, here she comes. Maybe Jane would get here an invite to the next party.


End file.
